Sometimes The Rain Lasts Longer Than You Thought

I've tried and been unable to write much this past month. Everything seems either like I'm sharing too much or pretending that nothing bad ever happens. Two months ago I talked about how "It's Going To Be Alright" and I have to say... it hasn't come right just yet. I have high hopes that it will, but we aren't there quite yet.

I can confidently say that nothing tragic has occurred, but small and medium stressors have built up in a way that has left me feeling stuck, uninspired, and a bit sad. For example, not being able to knit for three and a half weeks has been the most frustrating because the income I bring in is dependent on being able to knit. Also, all my planned holiday knitting went out the window. I had grand plans, but they will just have to wait another year.

Oh! The agony of not being able to knit. Or: I want to knit you so bad, but I can't.

Of course, I can't sit still, so my inability to knit manifest itself in our new place being put together quite rapidly. I plan to have future blogs show some of the things I managed to accomplish without my left index finger.

But on to a silver lining: my finger has finally healed enough that I can pick up the needles again. I am now knitting away on new patterns.

It's All Going To Be Alright

I like to try to blog at least once a week. I think it is a good practice and allows me to keep my writing and photography skills sharp. In writing this blog, it can be difficult to decide how to stay genuine without over sharing. Recently most of my posts have covered knitting failings and fun vacations, but they leave out the less glamorous parts of life. The tears, stress, and insecurities are difficult to convey and often there isn't a photo to describe what is going on.

They say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. I'd say that has been true, but it isn't the marriage itself. If anything Connor has been the most steadfast part of my life. It's all the weird crap that swirls around us that has been difficult, like the month we dealt with a false insurance claim against us. Long story short, we were accused of rear ending someone and the driver who caused the accident gave false insurance and license plate.... our license plate. When we finally were able to convince the insurance that we weren't there by having them photograph our car to prove there was no damage, they forgot to call off collections. It's sorted now, but it was stressful while it was happening.

Just this past week a traumatizing event occurred. No one was hurt, but I was severely spooked. It's been difficult to know exactly what to write, so for now I will leave it. But I have learned quite a bit. (Might as well get something out of all the pain.) I'm gaining a stronger sense of empathy for those going through tough times. I also know that behind everyone's beautiful blog, there is someone who is trying to make ends meet, who is dealing with death or illness in the family, who isn't sure what they should do with their lives. And really, it's ok. Things will work out one way or another (although usually not according to plan). There really is only one guarantee in life (other than death and taxes) and that is that things will always be scary. It's hard making decisions and it's impossible to know what is right. And it's ok to be scared.

Future blog posts will probably continue with mini trips and fiber-related content, but I just felt it was time to talk about something a little different. Hopefully I can take my own advice and remember that things will be ok.