Searching For Creative Fulfillment

Recently I've found myself creatively frustrated. It has taken me until now to determine that the frustration runs deeper than just not having anything come off of the needles. I realized that I have somehow turned all my creative endeavors into work. Since being creative is what fills me up, and all my creativity has been turned into work, I have felt quite empty. I started abandoning social events because I felt too drained. I've also had a sinus thing going on, which hasn't helped matters, but has forced me to be quiet enough to do some intense introspection.

I realized that when Connor is at work, I make sure I am hard at work all day. (I work at home, so my time is more flexible.) And when Connor is home, I spend time with him. What I need in my life to be fulfilled creatively is time dedicated to doing creative things for the fun of it... when I am alone. After having a good talk with Connor and hearing him say things like, "Of course you should be doing fun things for yourself." I have finally decided to give in and let myself have some time to play.

I've been dying to paint for quite some time now. There are so many ideas in my head, but I've not let them out for fear of not staying dedicated to some arbitrary deadlines I made myself. I've given up those deadlines. (Like having more patterns out for Stitches West.) Patterns will come out when they are good and ready. Today I painted for a bit instead. Because I have such a backlog of ideas, I found myself getting a little intimidated by the time I would need and the fact that I haven't painted in, well, years. So today, in the interest of just starting, I decided to paint a still life.

My Granddad had found this glass Japanese fishing float along the shores of New Zealand after a storm. After my grandmother passed away, the house was sold and he moved to a smaller place. I was allowed to choose one thing from their house to ship home. Dad told me his wallet regretted not having any limitations on the offer since the float isn't small and the shipping was quite expensive. But I'm happy I have it.

So that's what I painted today. Something small and simple.

Here's a close up. It's not perfect, but it's better than I thought I might be able to do after so many years of not practicing. I used gouache paints for those who might be curious.

I'd like to give Ann Wood some credit. She often writes about the difficulties that she encounters as a professional creative. I especially liked her post when she decided that she needed to start sketching regularly. It inspired me to just start and reminded me that it is ok to start small.