What's Your Mountain

I've been struggling with a having a strong direction recently. It's rather tough to have several large projects going that can't be shared. It's difficult to keep working, not knowing if anything will pay off. But I watched a video of a commencement speech that Neil Gaiman gave, and I think I'm finally finding my way. It's worth watching. I think it might have been the best 20 minutes I've spent in a really, really long time.

I've been afraid to decided what my "mountain" is. Even though I've spent my whole life hearing that life is just a series of careers, choosing a direction has become paralyzing. When I choose to do something, I go full force into it. I'll exhaust myself for the sake of a goal. What stops me from even forming a goal is, what if I find that I don't like what I've chosen. It finally has hit me that not choosing a direction means that I'm simply not going anywhere. I might as well choose a "wrong" direction than none at all. So even though I've spent the last year designing patterns, I don't think I've really put my heart into it. Not fully at least. It was something to do until I figured something else out. Well, I'm choosing pattern writing, even if it isn't a permanent career. I'm giving myself permission to enjoy myself more. I'm giving myself permission to go out and have fun on occasion even if it required money. (I'm a saver and will spend time at home in favor of not spending money. But it's cut into life experiences. And as my Mum said, "What's the point of having money if you aren't going to use it.") And finally I'm giving myself permission to be uncomfortable. All my actions seem to be geared to keeping myself comfortable. But what's the point of living if you aren't going to get dirty at times.

What is your mountain?